Segways Annoy Me SO, SO MUCH! I Just Have to Put This Out There.

From the irritating advertising campaign in 2001 (remember they wouldn't even tell you what it was? They just spammed the media to death with "something revolutionary is slumping toward Bethlehem to be born!") all the way to the lame, boxy design, Segways piss me off so much. I don't know what it is - normally I am open-minded about alternative means of transport (I like how anything other than cars = "alternative"...shit, if it's not your legs, or a horse or something, then THAT is alternative.)

Basically, how can you be THAT lazy?? To spend actual money on an electric device that goes as fast as walking, except it's...not-walking. For the elusive too-handicapped-to-walk-but not-handicapped-enough-for-a-wheelchair demographic. Oh, no, Segways are just more efficient than walking, because they're a machine you spent 6 large on, I get it.

Anygrumble, Segways are not exactly flying off the shelves, so you hardly see them around enough to get really bothered. But then the rare sightings inspire all the more rage and disgust, because you know that's one of your few chances to let it flow.

Today I was in the grocery store and two fucks were there on their Segways, wheeling around the produce aisle and hogging up more than their socially-acceptable Personal Bubble Zone with their inane machines. What are yuppies called these days? Because these were two of them. All orange tans and blingin' leisure wear. They were pretending to go about their business very non-chalantly, as if they weren't boosted up in the air on their pogostick stroller hybrids. Additional note: The woman was even wearing big Gucci shades even though it was dark outside, never mind the fact she was in a store.

And she was wearing a visor. I hate visors so, so much too. Unless it's there because you're a Sandwich Artist making me a delicious lettuce sandwich.

In future times, I will welcome the genetic crossbreed of tanks and humans, because by that stage I will have been terrorized into a submissive pudding by the Capitalist-Fascist State. But that hasn't happened yet by God.

(I gave them the frowning of a lifetime.)